Day 1 - post diagnosis

Ok, so I have cancer. I told Royal last night and Richard today. I spent the entire day wearing my “Fuck Cancer” t-shirt, and singing “Knockin on Heaven’s door.” I’m working on being positive, but I can’t help that all my thoughts revolve around cancer now. I’m nervous about my CT scan – I’m worried that it’s going to have metastasized. If it has, I could be well and truly fucked. I’m hoping it hasn’t – if it is just surgery with no chemo, then I think I can handle it. If I have to start chemotherapy, I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I think I’m in the best part of this I can be right now, when I still feel fine physically I think it is probably a lot easier to deal with. I’m also worried about how I’ll handle this post-surgery. I’ve been thinking about getting “Fuck Cancer” shirts for everyone, or maybe making my own “Die, Butty, Die!” t-shirts. Tomorrow the family is coming down to visit – Momma, Daddy, Lev and Shanna. I still haven’t figured out when/how I’m going to tell Guido. I’m worried about him hearing about this when he is halfway across the world and preparing for his special forces test in the Israeli military. Tara said something the other day that really sticks with me – this has changed our whole lives. From now on, I’ll be someone with Cancer, and after that, a cancer survivor. Huh. You never fucking know, do you?