Tuesday, Jan 22nd 2008 - Day 4 - Post Diagnosis

Today was a rough one. I had the CT scan and heard some good news – the preliminary finding is that it hasn’t “invaded” the other organs, but that there are some enlarged lymph nodes (7 mm). Unfortunately, I can’t seem to get good news without some bad news to go along, so when my GI doc finally called, I ended up getting out of him that I will most likely have to have a colostomy, with the attendant bag to go along. It also may very well be permanent. That knocked me for a fucking loop. I actually went to the car and cried over that. I thought to myself that I didn’t know if I could actually face the rest of my life like that, but then realized that for Matan and Siena, I could submit to any humiliation for as long as it took. How much will I be asked to take? I hate this. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Some other notes for today: I got an email from the half-ironman people today, a relic from my former life. I’ll most likely have chemo before the surgery. I’ll most likely be in the hospital for nearly a week for the surgery. I spoke with Robert today, and he starts chemo on Thursday. All I want is to hear that I will be able to go back to normal, and it is just not going to happen.