Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Sunday, February 03, 2008

Last night I ended up spending most of the night sharing Matan’s bed – he woke up at 1 am and I went in to help him get back to sleep – before I knew it, it was 3 am and Matan was laying across my legs to make sure I couldn’t get up.

Thoughts today – how do we deal with traumatic events? Am I happy that I don’t feel the need (yet) to do some insane life-affirming thing in reaction to the cancer? Or feel the need to point my life in some drastic new direction? Does this mean that I have been traveling in the right direction and doing enough life-affirming things? Or does it mean that I am so in my rut that I can’t see out of it?

So, I spoke with two of my neighbors today about the cancer and gave them the updates. It’s great to have neighbors that are so concerned. Once I have the pick-line in, I’m going to go over and show it to my neighbor’s kids – help de-mystify it a little, and let them ask questions. If there is one thing that is great about kids, it’s that they don’t fear asking questions, direct and honest. My neighbors across the street, Dennis and Danette, offered to run the Ragnar with me. I’ll see if they pony up the money, but this would mean that I almost have the full team ready to go. I’ll be excited to start running with everyone. Dennis also gave me a church book about a runner surviving cancer to read. Danette was sweet and stepped in with a line about how I might enjoy Lance Armstrong’s book a little more. I think it’s amazing how people try to help out continually, and I can’t find myself angry when they trip up doing it. I remember how awkward I found it when speaking to Jill or Greg after they were diagnosed with cancer, how flat, insufficient, and inept my words felt. Dennis found something that would have helped him and tried to pass that on. Isn’t that what we all do in these situations, isn’t that all we can do?

I visited Helen at the hospital today, she had a back surgery last week to put a rod in her spine, and she’s had a rough time recovering. It is always tough to see people lying in a hospital bed, especially after major surgery. There is something about the bed that makes you appear weaker, that shrivels you. Of course I end up putting myself in her place, and fearing how it will be once I am lying in that bed. I sat and spoke with Helen for a little while, and she was incredibly worried about me – tears of concern running down her face as she hugged me. Again, I found myself bowled over by the emotional capacity of those around me – I am extremely, extremely lucky to have been befriended by people like this.

She told me a great story about how on a trip she once accidentally climbed in bed with Nate (her son-in-law), that had me rolling with laughter. About two seconds later, Nate and Laurel showed up. We all got a chance to talk for a little while, and I caught them up on the latest cancer news. I’m going to try to stop by again tomorrow, after seeing Chris over at the Huntsman.


As I left, I stopped to speak with some of the nurses in that area of the hospital, one who had come in while I was visiting with Helen had mentioned that she had done a rotation with Dr. Sklow. I started out asking about the colostomy bags, and trying to get a good feel for what that will be like (oh yes, it’s going to suck), but I got some good news (I’ll have a home care nurse for the first week or so), some better news (yes, I will be able to squirt people if I feel like it), and a good time making a whole bunch of nurses laugh. I also found out that people do talk the entire time while on Versed. I am going to slip a recording device into Lev and Gidi’s colonoscopies, and my next one as well…I mean really, what the hell must we end up talking about?

I also spoke with Tara a bit today about the day that we first got the bad news from Dr. Hutson. She said that she spent most of the time trying to hold on to the hope that even though there was a growth, it was nothing serious. It is amazing to me that even while she was doing this, she was helping to prepare me for the bad news, so it wouldn’t hurt so much if/when I heard it. The things we do for those we love…

An on one last note – I lost my debit card the other day, and today I got a phone call from work about it. A woman named Andrea had found it while she was out running, tracked down my name on the internet, and ended up calling ARUP to try to get it back to me. When she finally got in touch with me, she gave me her name and address and directed me to her house to pick it up. Talk about your faith in humanity.

A pretty great day all in all.

Song of the day: Gold Song by Bouncing Souls.

1 comment:

Ricky and Karen said...

Dov, I have been re-reading The Kichen Table Wisdom and came across a line about love and it made me think of you and Tara. "Love is never earned. Love is a grace we give to one another. Anything we need to earn is only approval." You two seem to understand that better than anyone I have ever met. I love you both.