Thursday, June 12, 2008: 8 days till Ragnar, 3 days till Chemo, Tomorrows the TV interview

Not much to talk about today – most of my drama was work related. Spending more time looking at the colon cancer message boards – responding and posting – getting a feel for the community (mostly women), and reading up on other people’s responses to Folfox. The thing I’ve taken away is not to think that the side-effects will disappear when they pull the plug on the 3^rd day of each round. They say to prepare for many days of fun. This may make Ragnar quite the challenge.

We got Matan’s glasses today, and he is looking great. He’s excited to wear them, and after I thought a bit about my initial rage at his having to wear them, I think I’ve been able to pinpoint why a little better:

1. As I said before, I didn’t like seeing his body betray him so early on. It feels like mine has, and I mourn the loss of my perfect little boy.
2. It was another thing – I just wanted one time to not get bad news when we visited a doctor.
3. I think all of us want our children to stay the same (Note: this thought could come from the fact that I’m currently reading Peter Pan.). This is an incredibly destructive impulse, and one that none of us really want if we think about it for very long, but nonetheless, I think we don’t want to see them change drastically – we have a tough time accepting it when they do (think teenagers), and we always tend to see them as younger than they really are. I was used to Matan w/out glasses, and I was sad to see him change so quickly without my permission.

As a side note, Siena loves splashing in the bath. She spent 15 minutes straight splashing and going from one end of the tub to the other, laughing and splashing. I love seeing pure, unadulterated joy.

So much for the sweet – tomorrow I get up early, fire two people, then get ready for my interview. What a day it’s going to be…